


Teach me how to fall

by sadstars



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Dancer Moonbin, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Fluff, Heavy Angst, M/M, Moonbin is bad at feelings, Music Major Kim Myungjun, References to Depression, Sick Character, Slow Burn, Thanatonari
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-07-31 21:34:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20122015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadstars/pseuds/sadstars
Summary: Myungjun thought is was real. To Moonbin, it was all just a game.





	Teach me how to fall

**Author's Note:**

> yooooooo this is my first ao3 au and yes im going to finish it this time djhfdjfjdh well im planning to make this so angst but idk,, i suck????? yeah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Thanatonari_ — a rare disease where the patient’s heart starts to harden itself, forming a chrysalis when they suffer from one-sided love. the longer the patient suffers with the disease, the chrysalis will crack and a butterly will emerge, killing the patient along the process.
> 
> The disease happens to only one out of ten people. 
> 
> The only cure to the disease is when the love is reciprocated. The warmth of the reciprocated love melts the chrysalis, thus saving the patient.

**Afraid to Fall**

Thanatonari Disease first happened during the 1980’s when a young woman fell in love with her bestfriend. The young woman kept a journal, in which she wrote down the early stages of the disease. These include frequent chest pain, shortness of breath, fatigue, pale skin, etc. As the disease progressed, scientists suddenly saw that the patient’s heart is wrapped around a chrysalis that blocks the blood vessels from flowing throughout her body. On the time of death of the patient, her chest tore apart, releasing a huge butterfly. There was no scientific basis of the strange phenomenon.

The second patient appeared six years later. On the patient’s brink of death, a person confessed their love to the sick patient. Miraculously, instead of meeting death, the patient starts to gradually heal. Scientists of the time theorized that Thanatonari disease may have something to do with the brain and the heart. Maybe it’s the feeling of loving and being loved.

For the next five years, another two patients were diagnosed with Thanatonari. After series of studying, on 1991, neurologists, cardiologists, as well as other famous scientists have confirmed the 1986 Thanatonari theory. Love being not reciprocated is common to people. The disease is rare. Only one unlucky person out of ten people experience the disease.

\--

18 years have passed since the last patient with Thanatonari. Past patients, now forgotten. There were no more people who were afraid to fall in love. There were more people who started to play with others’ feelings.

Moonbin was one of them.

He entertains those girls (and boys) who he thinks looks _good_ when suffering emotional pain. He loved watching them fall apart after months of dating, all those series of ‘I love yous’, sex, and fluff. He was caring, yes. He _cared_, but he _never_ loved back. He breaks their heart when he knows that they have already fallen so deep (or when he gets bored). He loves it when his name is tattooed on the hearts and minds of his exes. He loved it when he sees his exes begging him on their knees to come back and love them.

He loved watching them break.

Moonbin is one of the university’s top students. He had been through international contests on physics. He had patented some of the major inventions and of course, he is one of the university’s athletes. Aside from those credits, he is also a part of the Performing Arts Guild _and _he’s still in second year college. With a visual that stunning and school reputation at a very young age? No wonder girls and boys fall in love with him. May it be the geniuses, the cheerleaders, or the famous ones… they have always liked Moonbin. He was just too perfect.

“Babe, do you think this looks good on me?” Seulgi asked.

“Mhm, yeah.” Moonbin spends his time with his current girlfriend, Seulgi, at the mall. It’s a _boyfriend_ job to just go with your _girlfriend_ to some useless shopping. It was a pain in the ass. Hell, Moonbin would prefer to just lay in bed all day, watch Netflix, or play Beat Saber. He doesn’t bother, though. What’s better than breaking a girl’s heart, right?

Moonbin wraps his hands around Seulgi’s waist, embracing her from behind. He could feel his girlfriend smiling and feeling flustered during the moment. He plants a kiss on her neck and whispers, “Let’s go eat lunch, sweetheart.”

Seulgi nods in agreement. She can’t refuse. On the early stages of their relationship, Seulgi said that she’d never disagree on something Moonbin likes. She was willing to be submissive. For the young man, her idea was _stupid_. She was too easy. If only she’d think about herself more and played hard to get, then the whole game of Moonbin of falling in love and then leaving would be... _thrilling_. She was just another dumb bitch who liked getting attention from Moonbin as if he actually loved her.

Arriving at a café, Moonbin ordered his usual beverage, a strawberry oreo frappe along with a slice of red velvet cake. He sits at the opposite side of Seulgi.

It has been nine months since Moonbin and Seulgi started dating. Nine months is the longest time had he’dated someone. But nine months was already _too long._ He has learned of all her secrets. He has aleady met the girl’s family. He already knows her friends. She had trusted him at everything. Moonbin has promised Seulgi a future for the both of them. It was fun. But not all lasts forever. Maybe he has enjoyed it long enough. Is it already time to break another heart?

Maybe.

“Let’s break up.”

His girlfriend stopped sipping her coffee and looked at Moonbin with furrowed eyebrows. _Confused_. Yes, Moonbin gets that all the time. They _all_ look confused after hearing those devastating three words.

“B-but… why? Baby, did I do something wrong?” Seulgi asked in a curious, sad tone. Moonbin just stared. Repeating the _three words that breaks hearts_. “Is this a prank? Tell me this is a prank, Bin.” And then she laughed. Fake. A fake laugh.

“No. I’m not joking. This is no prank, Seulgi. Good bye.” From Seulgi’s glassy eyes, tears started to roll through her cheeks. Ah, the sight of broken-hearted girls. Moonbin stood, passing by Seulgi.

Then, he counts. _3… 2… 1…_

“Wait!” She stood and grabs the younger man’s wrist and sobs. Really sobs. God, this is so embarrassing but satisfying. Look at the sight of a girl whose heart is being shattered in front of other people. “P-please... I- don’t do this Moonbin. You _promised_ me a f-future together… I- was I a joke to you?”

Moonbin cannot hide his smile. He enjoys the moment. Call him an asshole, that’s who he is. Well, in front of the people in the café. “You fall in love, you lose, sweetheart. It’s just life. It’s just a game.”

His _ex_ cried louder than before. Her tears, continuously falling from her eyes. She looks like complete mess. She is a mess. Her life is now a mess. She fell on her knees. “W-was I just another one of your p-playmates? Y-you said you wouldn’t pull your game on me, Moonbin. Y- you said you will never hurt me!”

_Ah, she’s too loud._

The younger stared at her. He’s too tired to move his mouth. He doesn’t bother to respond to that. He just wants to lay in bed, and sleep. Now, he’s just waiting for the iconic ‘_Please don’t leave me. Come back’_ line. To his disappointment, she never said those words.

“You’re a _murderer_!” Her sad eyes became full of anger. Her tears stopped pouring and glared at Moonbin with bloodshot eyes. “Wait until you’d actually _kill_ someone from breaking their heart!”

Her words went shivers down Moonbin’s spine. _If the disease is still out there, then many should have already died because of me._ Of course, he knows what she’s talking about. It was the forgotten rare disease, Thanatonari. “The disease died _years_ ago, Seulgi.” He turned around and continued to walk towards the exit.

Seulgi was left there kneeling. Reaching out to nothing.

Moonbin continued his lifestyle for the next two weeks. The usual getting up early, attending musical practices, playing baseball, and studying sciences. And of course, being surrounded by girls. Everything goes by normally as if his break up with Seulgi wasn’t something that would let the girls not like Moonbin. Maybe it was already etched at each person’s mind that Moonbin is not that type of person. That maybe Seulgi was just trying to bring Moonbin down after a messy breakup. Afterall, breaking up _with no reason at all_ is _impossible_, right?

News spread like wildfire throughout the campus. Rumors starts to rise. Of course, it’s not Moonbin’s image that is being totally destroyed. It was Seulgi’s. Rumors such as _Moonbin broke up with her because she cheated_ or _she’s spreading lies about Moonbin. She’s just too butthurt that he left her just like that_. The news never bothered the young man. He wants to see how would his ex suffer from the rumors.

He _loves_ seeing others suffer.

It was just another day without classes. The students have just taken their preliminary exams and the university gave them three days to rest. Usually, students would hold parties, go to bars and get laid. To Moonbin, it was just another day of staring at the ceiling for hours. Sure, he loves to party and all but he just has no energy to move from his bed.

“Y’know, your muscles will ache if you just lay there, Binnie. Wanna get some food or something?” His roommate said.

Moonbin looked at the older man getting dressed with some jeans and plain black t-shirt. Sometimes, he thinks _how the fuck did I get a hot bestfriend and I am not even gay for him?_ “I’m too lazy, Eunwoo-hyung. Make me stand up.”

Eunwoo groans and pulls Moonbin up from his bed. He slapped him hard on the face, leaving a red mark.

“What was that for, hyung?!” the younger shouted. His cheeks were throbbing and he can feel the heat of Eunwoo’s hands on his right cheek. “I said make me stand up, not wake me up!” He pouts.

The older chuckled and said, “I am supposed to make you stand but from the looks of it, you’re _sleepy_. Come on and we’re getting coffee.”

Moonbin and Euwoo had been friends since they were kids. They took the same major together, which is Physics. They also minor in Music. Finance has never been a problem to the two kids. (That’s why Moonbin never bothered to take his girlfriends and boyfriends to expensive restaurants for random and fake dates). Both were considered as soulmates. _Bestfriend_ soulmates. Platonic. They have been through thick and thin together. They actually think they’re long lost siblings.

Eunwoo, didn’t _somehow_ mind Moonbin’s business with breaking other people’s hearts. He would tell Moonbin to stop at what he’s doing but in the end, the younger doesn’t listen to his hyung. Eunwoo just gives up on that. He’d been telling him to stop for the past three years. Nothing happened. Binnie never changed.

He just hopes that Moonbin would never break himself after breaking others.

They sat at the same spot where Moonbin broke Seulgi’s heart. Ah, the memories of seeing her sorrowful eyes, tears ruining her make-up. What a beautiful sight.

“Moonbin, you can’t just go and break others’ hearts.”

_Ah, shit, here we go again_.

“You know there’s a disease out there, Binnie. What if you _actually_ kill someone? It may have already been 18 years but we don’t know if it has already disappeared. Diseases doesn’t just appear out of nowhere and then magically disappear. It’s nothing like that.” Eunwoo said.

Another time of being lectured by his bestfriend. Eunwoo had a point. Thanatonari isn’t just any disease. It is a _rare_ disease. No one still knows who’s unlucky to carry such. Moonbin doesn’t say anything. He just takes a sip of his usual Strawberry Oreo frappe and glances at the scenery outside. It’s raining.

_Just like that time, _Moonbin thought.

“Binnie, I know you’ve been through stuff but _please_-“

“Please, stop, hyung.” He looks at his bestfriend and then gazes at the pouring rain. It’s satisfying. The calming sound of the rain hitting the café glass. The effect of the droplets against the puddles. Everything about the rain is good.

“I just don’t want you to feel the karma, Binnie. I don’t want to see you suffer like how you make every girl and guy suffer after breaking them.”

Silence.

Moonbin never responds to Eunwoo when he’s being lectured. He has high respects to his hyung. His bestfriend. If there is anyone he trusts the most, it’s him. And he would never do anything to lose Eunwoo. He took care of him since they were kids. Losing him is just like losing a family. He may not look like it but he ponders to everything his bestfriend says. He takes into consideration the advices he’s being told. He _listens_ but he just can’t _stop_ hurting others’ feelings.

“Woah, you look like _shit_, Binnie-hyung,” Moonbin heard someone say. He looks at his left and sees Jeongguk standing beside their table.

“There’s a party at Jackson’s later. Maybe you want to come. What have you been doing with your life, young man?” Yoongi says.

Moonbin didn’t talk. He just looked at Yoongi and Jeongguk as if he’d seen a ghost. Taking the hint, Eunwoo responded, “Cool. We’d love to go. Could use some unwinding. Exams are shit.” Yoongi scoffs with disbelief. “What, hyung?” Eunwoo furrows his eyebrows.

“Eunwoo, since when did you find exams _shit_? You literally ace all tests. You’re a top student. You _enjoy_ exams.”

“Oh.” Eunwoo chuckled. “I guess so. But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t rant about exams.”

Moonbin rolls his eyes and focused again at the scenery outside. The rain stopped.

“But seriously, what _have_ you been doing, Bin-hyung?” Jeongguk asks again.

He didn’t bother to look back at the two. “Things just have been rough lately. Got a lot in mind, you know?” Lies. He just binge watched Lucifer and barely got enough sleep.

“Is it the break up with that Seulgi?” Yoongi asks.

“Maybe.”

_Keep a profile of pretending to be hurt_. It was one of Moonbin’s tactics to become believable after a break up. A tactic to make sure that he never gets caught by breaking up with people for no reason at all. _Make them believe that there was a reason and it hurt_.

Yoongi and Jeongguk left a while after their friends’ shift at the café was over and Eunwoo looks at the three leaving the café.

Eunwoo scoffs and looks at Moonbin. “You could’ve just told them you stayed up all night watching some dumb Netflix series instead of pretending to be hurt after the break up.”

“Mhm.” The younger nods, not listening to every word his bestfriend says. 

Fuck it.

Another day of work, study, and practice. Myungjun barely got enough sleep the whole week. He didn’t come from a wealthy family, no. Ever since High School, Myungjun manages his time and finance independently. He doesn’t have _that_ kind of family to help him. He _has to _ take care of his college fees, apartment, and fuck, life.

He woke up before the alarm, _again_. He sometimes wonders what even is the point of setting up an alarm when his own body clock does the waking up on its own? His phone vibrates.

It just keeps on fucking vibrating.

“Jesus. Okay! Wait!” Myungjun opened his eyes and grabbed the phone underneath his pillow.

_47 unread messages_

He ignored the other messages. Some were from his professors, and most of it were social media notifications. There were messages from his bestfriend, Jinwoo. He swipes the message to the right, unlocking the phone to read Jinjin’s texts.

**Jinjin: **mj-hyung!!!!!!!!!!

**Jinjin: **jfc wake up

**Jinjin: **i thought we were meeting by the café today? we are supposed to finish composing the lyrics for our final project

**Jinjin:** we have like, 5 more songs to produce????

**Jinjin: **fuck it I’ll be there in 10

_Sent 3 minutes ago_.

“What the fuck?” Myungjun cursed as he stood from his bed and went to take a bath. He still has seven minutes to prepare. Tsk, as if Jinwoo will come in 10 mins. Wait, _will he really be?_ He grabbed his clean clothes and got dressed. Myungjun opened his phone again to send a message to his bestfriend.

**MJ:** so where are you

**Jinjin: **outside. we’re walking

MJ groans in frustration. He’s too tired to walk. He had just been at work until 1am and he barely got enough sleep. He’s just _too tired_. But maybe he can relax a little bit at the café.

They sat near the glass walls of the café. Jinjin ordered his favorite caramel macchiato and Myungjun got a hot chocolate. Mj always wants things simple. He never bothered the complex things. Sometimes, simple things can bring you a lot of happiness. That’s what he believes in.

“So, any tune or lyrics that you have in mind? I’ve ran out of words and i-,“ Myungjun placed a finger on his bestfriend’s mouth telling his bestfriend to shut up and let them take a break for a while. The silence is comforting. Jinwoo didn’t argue. He actually agrees that they have been pressuring themselves too much. Sighing in defeat, he leans back to his chair and drinks his coffee.

“You’re a _murderer_!”

Jinwoo and Myungjun glances at the scene. A girl was looking at his boyfriend with bloodshot eyes, on her knees.

What a scene.

“Wait until you’d actually _kill_ someone from breaking their heart!” the poor girl added. MJ looks at the boy, maybe now the girl’s ex.

_Damn he’s cute._

_And hot too._

He has never seen anyone who looks like an angel before. He looks at the boy’s blond hair down to his muscular structure. _Damn, he can crush my entire physical existence, I don’t care_, Myungjun thought. He looks back at Jinwoo and smiles.

“Why are you smiling?” his bestfriend asks.

“Nothing.” Jinjin frowns at MJ’s reply. Weird.

Myungjun never had a family. His family was broken. He was four years old when his mother died. Two, when his father left them.

His mother was the last patient with Thanatonari.

Ever since learning about the rare disease, he never _dared_ to fall in love. Of course, falling in love was something everyone wants to experience but maybe not for MJ. He doesn’t want to die. Yet. He wants to live his life to the fullest. He doesn’t want to give a fuck on romance. He never even dared to watch romance movies, or read shoujo mangas. No one knows that his own mother was the last victim. Hell, no one knows about Myungjun’s past. Not even Jinwoo.

_Falling in love is scary. _

“Hey, Jinwoo. Do you think there’s a chance that the disease will suddenly resurface?” MJ crosses his arms and leans towards Jinwoo. With puppy eyes. God, why the puppy eyes?

“Don’t look at me like that. You’re fucking scaring me, hyung,” Jinwoo chuckles. He places his hands on top of Myungjun’s are ruffles his hair. _Why is MJ’s hair so damn fluffy?_ “Yes, hyung. The disease is there, patiently waiting for its next victim to fall in love so it can take another life.”

_Myungjun doesn’t want to fall in love._

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me on twitter https://twitter.com/myunqjaw


End file.
